The 12 Least Impressive Ascents, & Other Things, of 2012

While at first it might seem overwhelming to pick out the top climbing accomplishments of 2012, what’s really daunting is coming up with the things so unimpressive, they either didn’t get mentioned, or shouldn’t have. Don’t worry, as usual, we put in long hours and hard work to present here, in no particular order, the 12 least impressive ascents, and other things, of 2012.

#1 – My solo of Hays Falls. At 25 feet and WI2, this was perhaps the easiest ice solo in the country. I can only hope, as it’ll be hard to find something easier with which to hold on to that distinction with.

#2 – Toproping. While fun, toproping certainly isn’t impressive, and I’ll bet there was a whole lot of it happening in 2012. We know for sure it remains a sacred tradition in Indian Creek, and it’s likely it hasn’t lost it’s appeal in other areas as well.

#3 – Warm ups. Again not very impressive, but super important, and usually pretty fun. Warm ups are often the most used routes at a crag, whether they are some folks’ projects, or others’ first route of the day. Certainly under appreciated, I don’t know where I’d be today without warm ups.

#4 – That guy in Rifle screaming beta at his wife. You know who you are. You should be ashamed of the way you talk to women, and from what I could tell, everyone else for that matter.

#5 – The Election. No matter who you wanted to win, I’m always blown away by how lame the political process in this country is. It’s a contest to see who can get away with saying the most outrageous lies that they hope the general public will believe. Thankfully we wont have any of that in 2013!

#6 – I have not skied a single day in 2012, and will likely finish the year out with a big, fat 0. This may not sound unimpressive at first, until you realize I used to average 40-60 days a season. At least my legs are getting smaller for sport climbing.

#7 – All the people who climbed long, moderate trad routes. Nothing impressive here, but man I bet you all had such a good time! (I know I did!)

#8 – Winter. In terms of how winters should be, this one was an all time low of suckiness. Of course, as climbers we got to climb outside every weekend, but winter here in Colorado really should be about building up the snowpack, and training, I can wait a couple months in between the good outdoor seasons. Care to try again, Mother Nature?

#9 – Whining. Another solid year for complaining about things that don’t really matter, we can only hope in 2013 people gain a little more perspective and realize that if you get to go climbing, your life is amazing! (Wait, does this invalidate my entire post??? Oh NO!!!!)

#10 – Crowds. Not impressive, but a fact of life at any major crag in 2012. Next time you roll up to a busy cliff, instead of the usual “Who invited all these wannabe gym noob posers, they’re projecting all my warm ups!?!?” maybe try: “Hey, what a great opportunity to make some new friends. I wonder if they know any of the same people that I do. Maybe we’ve even done some of the same climbs and had some of the same incredible experiences.”

#11 – Bouldering videos. As has been pointed out elsewhere, it seems that some sort of video recording device has become standard equipment for bouldering these days. And it’s awesome that you are SO PSYCHED on climbing you want to video every ascent, it really is. But it’s not that impressive. Share it with your family and friends, but don’t you think the Internet has enough noise already?

#12 – My ascent of a route that shall remain unnamed, to protect what little dignity I have left. Easily the least impressive thing that happened to anyone, anywhere in 2012, I made a moderate granite slab feel harder than a 5.11 sport route, on top rope! One day I’ll learn to climb slabs. One day…

Here’s to an even better (more impressive? less impressive?) 2013!